So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
