i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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