apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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