yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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