I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
