you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
