His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
