Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
