Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
