The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
