God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
