HIV tests are more positive than that guy
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize