she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize