I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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