Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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