Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
