I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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