none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
