yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
