My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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