I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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