why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
