i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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