booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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