You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
