**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
