Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize