i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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