I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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