is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
