Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
