Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
