Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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