We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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