you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
