What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
