Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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