I CAN MOONWALK!
I feel great
I just peed on a car
You smell like stripper and shame
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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