I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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