Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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