Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
