Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
smell my finger.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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