i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
