you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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