weddingsv make me drug and hornr
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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