What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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