so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
