Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
