We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
