I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
