anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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