At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize