Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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