I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
