ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
