Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
