In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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