i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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