I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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