Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
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