Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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