wanna go halves on a baby?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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