we have officially lost it.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
