You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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