About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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