i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
