She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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