Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
