3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
