i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
