ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
